When going through a custody battle, it’s easy to assume both parents are fighting because they deeply care about their children’s well-being. But when one of those parents is a narcissist, the reality can be far more manipulative and harmful.
Narcissistic co-parents don’t always want custody for the sake of the children. Often, they want it for power, control, revenge or to uphold their image. Understanding the strategies these individuals use to gain full custody — even when they have little interest in parenting — can help protect both the children and the targeted parent.
Exploiting parental alienation
Narcissists often try to turn the children against the other parent through:
- Manipulation
- Guilt-tripping
- Brainwashing
Over time, this can create emotional distance between the child and the healthier parent. This can make it easier for the narcissist to sole child custody by pointing to the child’s “preference.”
They also use the child’s behavior as evidence: “See? They don’t even want to go with their other parent.” But what’s really happening is a long-term psychological campaign of manipulation and coercion.
Pretending to be the “better parent”
Even if they have shown little interest in parenting before the custody dispute, narcissists can suddenly reinvent themselves as the more involved and responsible parent. To create a paper trail of being the “good” parent, they might start:
- Volunteering at school
- Attending doctor appointments
- Posting about their parenting on social media
What they’re really doing is building a false narrative that paints them as the parent who “deserves” custody, even if their involvement is shallow, performative or temporary.
Ultimately, narcissistic co-parents who seek full custody usually do so for reasons that have nothing to do with love or responsibility. They may want to hurt or punish the other parent, maintain control over them, avoid paying child support or boost their ego by “winning.” Parents dealing with this should seek legal support because they’re not imagining it and don’t have to handle it alone.